A number of years ago, I was listening to “The Diane Rehm Show” on NPR while driving to work. Diane’s guest was a woman who had recently published a book on happiness. When Diane asked about simple everyday ways for listeners to be happy, the author’s first response was, “Stay off social media.” It’s true that social media can be a tremendous waste of time. Political discussions on social media can be frustrating and pointless. But these were not the reasons for the author’s recommendation. Instead, she claimed that seeing our friends enjoying exotic vacations; celebrating friendships, kids and grandkids; and listing accomplishments can make us feel bad. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I’ll admit that her assessment disturbed me. After decades of practicing mudita, my understanding of happiness was 180 degrees from the author’s.
Mudita is the third of the four brahma viharas (divine abodes). The brahma viharas are qualities of the heart that bring happiness to ourselves and others. We can practice these qualities so that over time, they become a part of who we are. They become our “abodes,” the places where we come from in our relationships with ourselves and with others. The other three brahma viharas are metta (kindness), karuna (compassion) and upekha (equanimity).
The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali mention the brahma viharas in sutra 1.33. Here’s Alistair Shearer’s translation of the sutra. “The mind becomes clear and serene when the qualities of the heart are cultivated: friendliness towards the joyful, compassion towards their suffering, happiness towards the pure, and impartiality towards the impure.”
What Is Mudita?
Mudita is empathetic joy, or happiness, in response to the success and happiness of others. Not surprisingly, there is no word for this concept in our language. In hyper-competitive Western culture, the concept of being happy for someone else’s success is quite foreign. Feeling mudita goes against the grain of our concept of success and happiness.
It’s as if we think there’s a little cache of happiness available, and when someone else partakes of it, there’s less for us. But that’s not how it works. In decades of mudita practice, I’ve realized that the more happiness I feel for another person’s success, the happier I am. In contrast to the dank, claustrophobic feeling that envy engenders, empathetic joy feels bright and boundless.
The Buddha called mudita a “rare and beautiful state.” It is a boundless state that responds to others’ successes not with withdrawal or envy, but with active delight. Cultivating the quality of mudita helps uproot the unhappy states of envy, judgment and comparison.
Why is Empathetic Joy So Hard?
The Buddha also claimed that mudita is the hardest to develop of all the brahma viharas. Hindrances to empathetic joy are many and powerful—comparing, judgment, envy and avarice. These qualities spring from a lack of understanding of our interdependence with the world around us. The truth is, the joy we cultivate contributes to the well of joy available to all of us.
Mudita can be especially challenging to feel for people who have harmed us or others we love. It can also be challenging to offer to those who have made life choices different from our own. For example, can you be happy for a person who chooses to live lavishly when you’ve chosen to live simply—or vice versa? Cultivating mudita for others with whom we have difficulty can help uproot resentment, and can lead us to deeper happiness.
Practicing Mudita
There are several ways to practice mudita. The first, and simplest, is to reflect on your own blessings. We’ve all been recipients of countless acts of generosity and kindness in our lives. We all have dear friends and family members—human and otherwise. We can feel grateful for simple pleasures in our lives. Taking time to reflect on the blessings we enjoy can help to lessen feelings of envy or comparing.
You can also do a formal mudita practice. In this post, I’ll offer simple instructions. But if you want to explore mudita and the other brahma viharas further, check out Sharon Salzberg’s classic book, Lovingkindess: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness.
A Simple Practice
- Find a comfortable seat. Feel free to use a meditation cushion, or sit in a comfortable chair.
- Let your awareness rest in the area around your heart. You can place your right palm over your heart if you like.
- Invite into your heart space a friend or family member whose life seems relatively happy. This can be a person who enjoys a generally easeful life. Or you can invite someone who has recently enjoyed a moment of success or happiness.
- Reflect on what you appreciate about this person. This might be a particular beautiful quality, or perhaps an act of generosity or kindness for which you feel grateful.
- Now pick a phrase or two among these choices to send from your heart to theirs. Or feel free to make up your own phrases. Here are a few examples:
- May your good fortune continue. May it continue to grow.
- I’m happy that you’re happy.
- May your happiness and success continue.
- May your happiness grow.
- As you repeat a phrase or phrases, picture the person and imagine them being happy. Note any feelings that arise.
- Continue for 5 minutes or longer.
Happiness is Available
Practicing the brahma viharas is a wonderful way to cultivate happiness. You can do a specific practice dedicated to mudita, or you can weave it into your regular meditation practice. Thich Nhat Hanh said, “Happiness is available. Please help yourself to it.” We will all live through happy times and difficult times, but we can cultivate the ability to live with a higher baseline of ease. Practicing mudita is a wonderful way to grow our happiness.
What you call “a simple practice” might make sense to you, but there are 11 steps to your “simple practice.” I don’t know what half of this means. What is a heart space? How do you invite someone into it? Do you mean figuratively or literally? Why are you not more clear about these steps? You’ve actually brought me quite a bit of frustration into my life. I’m glad life is working out well for you but for some of us this is all very new and our lives are very hard and complicated and for us living through a single day takes a lot more than simply meditating it all away. This comes off as unrelatable, unempathetic, out of touch and uncompassionate. Think about that before you send this stuff out like it’s a cure-all.
Thank you for your comment. I’m sorry that it comes off as simplistic and unrelatable. It has never been my intent to present any practice as a cure-all. I’m pretty sure I’ve never advocated for simply meditating our struggles away.
In fact, I’m well aware of how these practices can bring a lot of psychological “stuff” to the surface. I spent a year in a very dark place after an intense mindfulness/brahma vihara retreat, with my stuff in my face 24/7. But it was these practices, and the good fortune of having a very supportive teacher/mentor, that gave me a way to deal with it, and to survive it—literally. I’ve written about these struggles in the past, but I don’t feel it appropriate to include this in every blog post I write. It would be tedious for others to read, and the point is to offer a five-minute practice that might be helpful to some—not all—readers.
Mudita practice is just one of the tools I’ve used that has made my life flow a bit more smoothly—after many, many years of practice, much of it a huge, humbling struggle. For example, I began working the day I turned 18 and have not taken a break in 51 years. I’m pushing 70 now and still have three jobs, and will likely never have the means to retire. Meanwhile, all my friends are retired and living their best lives, taking wonderful excursions and reconnecting with the passions they set aside during their working lives. Rather than feeling envious, or like I should be able to enjoy the same level of comfort, I can feel genuine appreciation for how their lives are unfolding. Because of the decades of mudita practice, I can celebrate their successes. It doesn’t change the struggles in my own life, but it does help me live in a much more expansive and loving head space.
I’m sorry that the post caused frustration in your life. That was never the intent. As with everything I write, and every yoga and meditation practice, you can take it or leave it. It’s not for everyone, and as I wrote in the post, it can be very challenging. But I do know many, many students and friends who have found the practice to be edifying.
Thank you for this!